Fifty Cups of Coffee, Cup #5: Julia Quigley Bender
Fifty Cups of Coffee #5: Julia Quigley Bender
Date: February 1, 2024
Location: Zoom
How we know each other
Julia and I met freshmen year at Emerson College, and we instantly hit it off. We became roommates our sophomore year, and spent college raiding each other’s closets, commiserating about boys, and generally keeping each other alive at MIT, Emerson, and other Boston area college frat parties. She was also one of my bridesmaids at my wedding.
We’ve kept in touch over the years, but with her on the East Coast and me on the West Coast, in-person visits are few and far between. The last time we saw each other in person was during my last trip to New York, in 2019. And now I get to see her twice in one month: first in Zoom for this coffee chat, and then in person when I travel to NYC later this month!
What Julia is doing now
Julia lives in New Jersey and is the busy mom of two girls, ages 12 and 9. In addition to taking an active role in her local community, she volunteers with the Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA)/Guardians Ad Litem (GAL) Association. As a Court Appointed Special Advocate, she advocates for the best interests of children who have experienced abuse or neglect. She works with child welfare professionals, educators and service providers to ensure that judges have the information they need to make the most well-informed decisions for each child.
Three questions
During these Fifty Cups of Coffee chats, I ask each person the same three questions. The reasoning behind each is as follows:
Question 1 – Social media makes it easy for other people to think that they know us, when truthfully, we all only see a small sliver of someone’s life and who they really are. This is the interviewee’s chance to share something that is important to them that, for whatever reason, other people may not know.
Question 2 – We all have fears, no matter who are are or where we are in life. This helps connect us and show we are all more alike than we are different.
Question 3 – I believe the answer to this question helps show each person’s true values, passions, and their why in life.
There are no right or wrong answers to any of these. I’m including each person’s answers in first person. Their answers have been edited from my notes for length and clarity, but these are their words.
What is one thing you wish more people knew about you?
“I feel like I’m pretty open book on a lot of things, but people think I am more outgoing than I am. I am more introverted and need a lot of down time and need alone time. I think people think I am an extrovert because they see me out there getting local initiatives to get sidewalks and things like that.”
“Also, I became a Court Appointed Special Advocate for foster children. That’s really pushed me out of my comfort zone, as I am constantly calling lawyers, foster parents, adoptive parents. I do these things because I think they are important, and I’m trying to push myself into some more challenging situations. The introverted side of me is what people need to know.”
What is your deepest fear?
“Not having control, in the sense of protecting my family, and protecting my parents. To control their environments is impossible, and I think about the ‘what if’ scenarios all day long.”
“That’s tapping into my big fears these days: something happening to all my loved ones.”
If you had unlimited funds, what would you do with your life?
“I think I would build in a way to travel more. I don’t know what exactly it would look like. Maybe make educational decisions for our children that could give them more options to travel. Maybe we would we find places we love and find residences there. We’d spend more time exploring.”
Lessons learned
My biggest takeaways from our coffee chat:
- Sometimes when we force ourselves out of our comfort zones, we find new things to enjoy or new values that are important to us. I’m so impressed and so proud of Julia for becoming a volunteer CASA.
- College friendships are forever. I really don’t think it matters how much time passes between when Juila and I actually see each other in person, or even how much time passes between texts and emails. There’s something special about friendships forged during the period of transition into adulthood that bonds you forever. You’re stuck with me, Julia!
- It’s important to build a life you love now that is not dependent on money for happiness. Julia’s answer to the third question echoes some of the other coffee chats in that the answer is: life wouldn’t change that much. When you create a life that you love now, money can enhance that life and give you more options, but you don’t need to make drastic changes because you’re already enjoying the life you’ve built.
Thank you so much for taking the time to chat, Julia!
Learn more about Julia
Learn more about the CASA/GAL Association.
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