Coffee Chat #28 with Andrea Paolillo

Fifty Cups of Coffee #28: Andrea Paolillo
Date: October 24, 2024
Location: Zoom

How we know each other

Andrea and I met at Emerson College, and were Sigma Pi Theta sorority sisters. After college, we lived together in Portland, Oregon along with my now-husband Alain. She’s been one of my dearest friends since college, and I’m so excited to share this coffee chat with her!

What Andrea is doing now

Andrea has been working at a small software company for the past 24 years as a manager of training and support. She has two kids: one daughter, age 16, and one son, age 19.

Andrea has also been a longtime volunteer with the Oregon Food Bank.

Three questions

During these Fifty Cups of Coffee chats, I ask each person the same three questions. The reasoning behind each is as follows:

Question 1 – Social media makes it easy for other people to think that they know us, when truthfully, we all only see a small sliver of someone’s life and who they really are. This is the interviewee’s chance to share something that is important to them that, for whatever reason, other people may not know.

Question 2 – We all have fears, no matter who are are or where we are in life. This helps connect us and show we are all more alike than we are different.

Question 3 – I believe the answer to this question helps show each person’s true values, passions, and their why in life.

There are no right or wrong answers to any of these. I’m including each person’s answers in first person. Their answers have been edited from my notes for length and clarity, but these are their words.

What is one thing you wish more people knew about you?

“This is the one it’s tempting to answer something fun and playful, related to how we present ourselves. But I don’t have much of a presence on social media and my answer is related to this choice. Between toxic positivity and ‘the sky is falling’ – how do we find balance between not coming across fake and the reason why I don’t share this about myself: because its triggering for some people and for others it’s hard to relate.”

“I struggle as a single parent and it’s been more than a dozen years now. Being a single parent is not a novelty — we’re everywhere — but in my particular life and the circumstances of how we came about it, I don’t talk about it. I have a longterm boyfriend who couldn’t be more supportive. I have plenty of people I could reveal my struggles to. But at end of day, none of those people live here. And its really hard to talk to people about all of the logistics. And you think it gets easier, but it just changes and morphs over the years.” 

“There’s this pressure to maintain the household and emotional pressure. And now they’re teenagers and one’s at college… You know, I’m sitting here eating dinner on the couch myself… but I know I’m certainly not alone. And that it’s partially my responsibility if I want people to be aware, I have to talk about it. Everyone has their struggles and this one happens to be mine.”

What is your deepest fear?

“Overall it is a fear related to my kids and their future. The thing I fear most is that there’ll be some life-altering trauma — their dad or me dying suddenly, something that keeps them from completing college or from moving out on their own to buy a home have a successful future.”

“I get really sad when you hear families have these issues. There’s still so many kids that have to leave school… If my kids didn’t get to live their own lives, that’s something that I really fear happening. And a lot of that is probably due to single parent paranoia – but it’s a greater concern than just something happening to me.” 

If you had unlimited funds, what would you do with your life?

“First thing, my priority would be just getting multi-generational wealth sealed for family, so nobody has to worry about debt, or buying a home, or buying a car.” 

“I’d be buying villas on the Rivieria and taking up residence on Safari. I think that’s the opportunity that when we think about what’s there left to do in life, there’s so much more to do and see. So if you have unlimited funds, that’s where you’ll find me.” 

Lessons Learned

• Single parenting is not easy. I know that on a surface level we as a society may know this, but as someone who is not a single parent, I appreciate Andrea sharing the depths of difficulty, the emotions, the day-to-day challenges that come with single parenting that many of us may take for granted.
• Everyone has the opportunity to give back. Andrea is a busy, full-time working single mom and she finds the time to regularly volunteer with the Oregon Food Bank. We all have the capacity to find volunteer work that is meaningful to us, and to give back.

Thanks for taking the time to chat with me, Andrea!

Learn more about Andrea

Andrea’s not on social media, but you can check out one of the places she loves to volunteer: the Oregon Food Bank.

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